Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
