Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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