so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
