Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize