Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
im six kinds of drunk right now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
