people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
