So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
