oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
