OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
