I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
