genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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