this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We got so high we made milksteak
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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