she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
