I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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