He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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