i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
