Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
