i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
