I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
