my mouth tastes like poor choices
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
