I wanna passion pit in your ass
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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