I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
