I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you still have your period?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
