My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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