her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
