Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
