question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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