The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
