we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
