just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize