can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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