I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
