I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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