Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
