I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
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Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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