I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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