Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
