Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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