some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
