You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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