the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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