Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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