she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All the doctor said was why
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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