I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
