looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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