hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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