is your mom at the bar?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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