just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
