Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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