I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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