Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
