wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
