I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
