I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
