I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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