Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
