I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
