She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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