eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize