Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
