my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
