You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
