I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.