20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?