i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
