I skipped work to stalk him.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
