I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
