Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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