Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
