like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
