worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You need a sexual gate keeper
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
